so i still get this icky feeling when i get left out of things...i don't know if it is because i am in a steady relationship, or that i have never "invited myself over" or what...it's just frustrating listening to things going on around me that i don't even get an invite to...and i know that i shouldn't let it bother me and i know that it's not the first time, so i should be used to it, but it's still hard to be left out...i guess part of it is my fault for not putting myself out there and not "forcing" myself into these situations but i almost think that it works both ways, i have to be open but people but also must be willing to just invite and open up...just ask. maybe it's because i have always been a fan of the shadows and not being the center of attention or that i have never been comfortable "flirting" with boys, or up to talking "girly" stuff with other girls...i don't know....i also feel like since i have gone inactive that i have even begun to lose what connections i still have with many of the alpha gams...and that breaks my heart. i mean i have never had extremely close bonds with many of my sisters and i love them all dearly and i believe that if i needed something than each would be there for me and each would do what she could to help, but i just feel the distance and i understand that i am getting soooo close to opening another chapter of my life and my life will change in less than a year...graduating, teaching, and getting married...it's insane it's just hard thinking that if i feel this lonely feeling now, what will it feel like when drew and i are together, but that's it. i have heard so many young couples talk about how upsetting it is when their friends stop inviting, and stop wanting to hang out after the wedding...and not that many want to hang out now, it's just kind of sad thinking that it could get a little "worse" later on...i dont know. i love drew with all my heart and can't wait to start a new chapter of my life with him but it's also intimidating too...
anyways, i am going to stop sounding depressed and stop whining and go work on a study guide for a final i have on monday...
love.
1 comment:
I've almost written a post just like this a few times over the past week but can never seem to word it right. But I understand how you feel, I really do.
Since I left Lambuth I haven't really made any new friends and I've failed miserably at keeping up with the friendships I had there. So with that, and with getting married and now being pregnant - I don't feel like I relate to many people my age and I've been really lonely lately.
Not wanting to vent in your comments, but basically I understand what you are feeling and I think it just has to do with going through a lot of big transitions all at once and unlike High School and before, not everyone moves at the same pace anymore :( I've jumped a few steps ahead of most of my friends in just the past 6 months and its hard not having many people to relate to.
Good luck with the studying! And it makes me really happy to be back in touch with you and I hope we stay that way - I've been HORRIBLE at keeping up with all my sisters :(
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