this is what i want...

This is where i want to spend the summer of 2008...

after this weekend at this sacred place my thoughts on why i want to go back for a 3rd summer became even clearer...troy encouraged me to strive to do something that would challenge me...to not settle for my comfort zone...push myself...be open to challenges...my thoughts are torn between two positions and if the interview team will trust that i can do one of them without being burnt out...for the longest time i said that i wouldn't go back as PUF...that i had enough and that i wanted ropes. for the past semester i have had my sights set on ropes, i have helped and become more comfortable up on the challenge course. i was starting to be ok with not being PUF again and was starting to be ok with the thought of watching someone else do "my job"...and then i go up to camp...i catch wind that camp has been given the money to buy a new mule for the puf to use instead of little red...i loved my two summers as puf...as much as i did not feel appreciated, as much pain i was in, as tired as i was...i loved my job. i feel like that i can handle it for another summer, i feel like i have more to give as puf...Danielle said something during orientation about "not having anything left to give..." and that is a feeling that i want to have, it's the way i want to be on staff, i want to let everything go, give each and every camper everything i have each week...i want to be the staff member that does her job and does it well as well as being able to make connections with a whole bunch of campers...i know that if i am PUF again i will face challenges each and everyday...after talking with troy this past weekend i can almost hear a question from the interview team...and that question is something along the lines of "well if you get puf again will there be any challenges, what will be new and exciting about that job"...it only takes seconds for me to begin to think of reasons...some of them being--working with a new set of staffers who, for the most part, will be younger than me, also pushing myself will be another new challenge, pushing myself harder than i ever have pushed myself before-all for the campers, finding a new way to be a better PUF, finding new ways to interact with my peers and more importantly...finding a new and more effective way of impacting campers...all i can hope is that the interview team can understand that i don't just want PUF so that i can stay in my comfort zone, or so that i won't challenge myself...but for the exact opposite, so that i can push myself harder than i ever have before, to challenge myself more than i ever have before and i believe that if they can understand that and believe in me then i will be placed in the right position for me for this summer...

all i can do is to believe in myself and let go and let God!